Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
