You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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