Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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