If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
