I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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