Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They took my balls.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
