everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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