from now on my penis is your penis
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have tasted many bathrooms
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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