she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
