Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
this hospital has no fireball
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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