K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
