Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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