YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
