I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
