so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
