Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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