I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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