I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
