gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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