the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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