I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
