Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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