my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
ttyl tear gas
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
