ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
