apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
