I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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