Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
