if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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