New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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