First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
