Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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