when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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