she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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