Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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