I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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