did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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