Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
