Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We had to coat check the pizza.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?