Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?