the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker