if only i could text you this smell
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
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I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito