Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.