I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
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Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.