how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night