just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
