YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
40s are totally the cure
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
