I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
