EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
