I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
