If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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