I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
