dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
