Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
