Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
