I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
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I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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