my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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