update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
