So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
