So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
