she looked like the bat from fern gully.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
