apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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