She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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